At this moment in time.

Someone commented on a blog I posted recently that I should continue to write about my life "passionately" so I will.I suppose what I am about to write is a little personal but I haven't got much to lose, as the one thing I thought was worth keeping has just been snatched away from me.I would feel like a total fraud if I just carried on posting about my life on here without being honest...so...

When I got back from my holiday last Saturday, I had an online talk with Richie which I handled badly I think. We both went off-line and I haven't heard from him since!I was really looking forward to talking but it all went horribly wrong.

I have come to the conclusion that it's over and I am trying to accept that fact which is very hard because I'm not really sure what I have done wrong.He wasn't at all "himself" when we spoke, in fact I think he had been drinking and at first I thought I was talking to a complete stranger!I have been worried about things all week but I am taking his silence and lack of response to mean that he wants nothing more to do with me.He has even gone as far as to block me from messenger! Ooops.
I do know he is alive and well, from a reliable source who must remain nameless.Up until yesterday, when I found that out, I was really worried that he might be ill, or in hospital or something.

I'm sure he has his reasons, I just wish he would have told me and explained them.I could accept being "dismissed" a lot easier if I knew what I'd done wrong.Because I have had no answers to my questions, I have decided that it must be because I went away on holiday...and he felt "abandoned" for want of a better word...or else he just felt too much "pressure" with planning to come and see me etc.I just don't know.

Having an on-line relationship comes with its own set of problems and requires a lot of trust. I just don't think he trusted me and I do understand where he's coming from to a point.After all, he's only got my word that I am who I am and I'm doing what I say I am and vice versa.

I wasn't looking for anyone when I met Richie...we just sort of "happened".I always had a nagging doubt that things were just "too good to be true" and luckily I trusted my instincts. The result being, that I haven't turned into a dithering wreck.

In fact the opposite has happened and I learnt quite a lot in the short time we were in touch.That is quite personal so I won't post that here as it wouldn't be right.

Maybe I told him a little too much about "me" and it has in some way backfired. I will never know now and need to move on...so that's what I'm going to do.I have such a busy life, I hardly have much time for reflection and if I did start to reflect on things, then the hurt would probably kick in and I am not going to encourage it.

So here's my post for another Saturday night. Jeepers, how things can change so quickly in such a short space of time.

If I ever listen to the songs he wrote for me again, the only way I would be able to handle that is if I convince myself that he wrote them for someone else...maybe he did. That would make closure a lot easier for me so that's what I'll do.

I sometimes wonder if I dreamed it all up...maybe I did in a way and that's all it really was...

PLEASE DON'T reply to this post if you don't feel comfortable as I don't want to put anyone in an awkward position.

Just letting you know how life is with me at this moment in time.....