Drama and Daydreams...

It's a while since I've posted anything here so I thought I would write something tonight...

I've called this post ''drama and daydreams'' because that's how I view my life. Filled with drama of one kind or another but at the same time, filled with daydreams...

I've been struggling with anxiety for the last few months which has been affecting all areas of my life...work, family, day to day living and it just seemed to come from nowhere, although I know there is always something underlying that you just can't seem to pin down to one thing.I've had this all my life, from being a child, but it has suddenly escalated.

I was referred for an ''anxiety management'' course recently which runs for 10 weeks and I have been to 5...so far. There are 10 altogether. It's not the easiest of things to share your fears and yourself in a group situation but if it helps it's worth a go. I have to learn to deal with a head full of worry and fear, ''without medication''...It's been two years since I stopped all my meds under medical supervision, but have had to have a recent prescription for a small dose of sedatives. My doctor has told me straight that I won't be prescribed anymore... so, I have to accept this and face things ''head on'' and deal with life and what it brings along, just like everone else does.

Why I have all this anxiety is beyond me. I am surrounded by people who love me, my family, Richie and friends. I have access to very good medical care and have so much support. I have my faith and my church and pastoral care too. It doesn't seem to add up at all but I am working through it in the best way I can.

Life on medication is a road I travelled, an option I chose but it's not a solution and I've had to learn that for myself. Years of ''unfeeling''. It may make the painful and bad things less traumatic but at the same time other emotions are dampened if they are even felt in the first place. The new emotions (love, joy,happiness) I have experienced over the past couple of years are emotions I want to continue to be able to feel and to express...so I will persevere to rid myself of this anxiety, or rather, deal with the not so good emotions more effectively.

As for the daydreams...well, they are essential to me. At times they have faded and have been few and far between but they have always been there.

On Monday, I fly to see Richie for two weeks. I am not going to pretend I'm not anxious about ''getting there'', moreso than I've ever been, but knowing that he will be there waiting for me gives me the strength and ability to overcome my fears.

I love him, I trust him, I miss him badly and he is the best therapy I could ever wish for...even though he's not been to well lately, he's always there for me.

So, the next time I post here, I will be with him...sigh.

It's very cold there by UK standards at the moment so I have packed some warm clothes...ha.We rarely have snow here or minus temperatures so I had better brace myself.I fly from Manchester airport on Monday morning at 08.00a.m. and arrive in Milwaukee at 3.15p.m...his time.

I will be catching up on all your blogs when I am there...looking forward to it.

Meanwhile, take care and God Bless.
Smiles.